A Warning to The General (Cookie Eating) Public

I never thought I would see this again.

I first came across these self proclaimed "Best Cookie in the World" in 2006 while waiting in line at Bigg Chill. The best cookie in the world? How bold it is to make a claim like that. It must be true. So of course, being the cookie lover that I am, I decided to dig deep in my pockets and fork over the $10 for these bad boys. I could hardly wait to rip that box open when I got home. On the drive home, I read about Bart's cookies on the box and was a little surprised at his recommendation for aeration prior to eating. Really, Bart? But of course, being the obedient consumer that I am, I aerated patiently. Once I was ready to begin devouring the cookies, I grabbed a handful and was extremely disappointed to find them overly browned (a euphemism, of course, for burned). I ate one anyway, and it tasted like crunchy mediocrity - a dehydrated, toasted Chips Ahoy, if you will. Ten dollars for this?!

Obviously, I wasn't going to let something like this slide. I took matters into my own hands and emailed Bart. Sadly, I couldn't locate our email exchange in my email archives, but I will summarize it for you here:

Roxy: Bart, your cookies sucked. Too crunchy. Overcooked. Me not happy.

Bart: Sorry Roxy. Probably got a bad batch. Let me send you a free box.

Roxy: I like free. Please do that. Thanks.

Surprise, surprise -Bart never followed through with his promise. I waited for months, checking my doorstep, every hour sometimes. But no cookies.

Years passed and eventually I moved on and forgot about Bart. I thought the past was behind me. But while walking through Whole Foods a couple days ago, I stopped dead in my tracks - there, staring me right in the face was Bart and his derisive little smirk. It's spreading. The cookies are spreading.

Don't fall for it, folks. Don't be fooled by the promising name and assuming price tag. You will be let down and you will feel hurt and you will feel taken advantage of. And if you go against my warnings and do try them anyway, please tell me everything.