The Coworker Conundrum

You work with them. You see them every day. You are forced to interact with them. Inevitably, things happen. Some coworkers develop crushes while others develop repulsion, they date or try to avoid dating, they break up or have awkward rejections, and then the next day they are forced to sit next to each other and type away at their computers like nothing ever happened. After all, HR would not approve of these unprofessional relationships.

So what are you to do when your twitching, middle-aged coworker asks you to name any day when you are free to get lunch with him? Should you say no to avoid a potentially awkward situation, or should you say yes to be "nice" and attempt to develop a friendship?

Well, if you are me, you are silly say yes, going against all better instinct.

When the dreaded day came, said coworker (let's call him Twitch) walked over to my cube and announces loudly that he is ready to take me to lunch.

It was the most painful hour of my life.

He suggested Mexican food, I said okay. Little did I know that was code for "Lets get Mexican food and take it to the beach so we can have a romantic lunch." Yes, folks, he got that food to go and we went to the beach. He produces a beach blanket from his trunk (How convenient! I didn't know I had this old thing in here!) and spreads it out on the sand. He lies down in the sand, I kid you not, like so:


as I huddled on the far corner of the blanket, wishing this terrible experience would end soon.

On the drive back, he sings along to love songs from a CD his neighbor made. "Have you heard of her before?" He asks me of his neighbor. "No, Twitch. I don't know your neighbor." In between lyrics, he tells me that I make him nervous as he twitches through a grin.

The next week, he emails me a Jeopardy question. Somehow, this message escaped the wrath of my DELETE key. It is as follows:

“Alex, I’ll take CarsDirect Jeopardy for 400”

“Answer: Yes”

“What would Mark say if he was offered a chance to have lunch with Roxy?”

“Correct.”

“Strange Shakespearian characters for 600”

“Answer:…”

I responded with an "I don't think so."

He hasn't bothered me since, and it is still unbelievably awkward between us.

So what was the point of this story, you ask?

I don't know. I'm still not sure I know how to deal with awkward coworker situations. But I have learned this much - whatever you do, the situation will never get any better.