How Far is Too Far?

I love cats. You might like cats. Sure, we are all fond of cats to some degree. But there has to be a line drawn somewhere, people. There has to be limits. There has to be a point at which you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I will not eat a cake that looks like used litterbox."

http://theverybestcats.blogspot.com/2009/10/my-birthday.html

But alas, it has been eaten.

Greetings From Your New Favorite Bostonian

I'm guessing everyone who used to read my blog has long since given up on it, much as I have since my days of ennui at work have diminished. Nevertheless, I thought I would take a moment to update the world wide web on my latest adventures.

Boston is swell. It has been hot and muggy, and the homeless people here have more of an "in your face" attitude than any other homeless population I have ever encountered. I find that it keeps me on my toes as I explore all the new nooks and crannies of this city.

Matthew and I have been staying in a hotel since Sunday, seeing as we can't move into our lovely new apartment until September 1. Some aspects of this have been wonderful. Well, mostly just the availability of housekeeping is wonderful, although they often forget to give us new towels and try to come in every morning when I'm still sleeping because I forgot to put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob the night before. Some aspects of life in a hotel room have been not wonderful - in particular, the lack of an expansive selection of television channels and my loss of the DVR recording of the Project Runway All-Star Challenge. (Which I never got to see and fear I never will. Tears, streaming down my face.)

The whole prospect of moving has been a little stressful: the move in day for our new apartment coincides exactly with my first day of class, I was silly and left Minnie in a kennel about as close to our new apartment as Egypt and don't know how I will ever retrieve her again, and we have no furniture for our new apartment. Thankfully, I phoned for help and now Mom is flying to Boston to come to the rescue. Hooray!

Today I realized I was in need of some cheering up when I was on the verge of tears after watching Shrek the Third, so I decided retail therapy would be the wisest choice. I also figured this would be the best way to kill two birds with one stone, considering I'm aiming to be the most stylin' girl in my class (which should be easy, considering 98% of the people I've seen around Boston don't seem able to differentiate between the adjectives stylin' and dowdy), so I ventured down Newbury Street and visited all of my favorite stores. Thank goodness for Madewell.

On the walk home this evening, I recalled how there were some pre-orientation social events for my new class this week, and the event tonight was at a restaurant close to the hotel. Although I have absolutely no desire to attend any of these events, I decided to channel my stalker side and scope out the kids that showed up. I walked up to the window of the restaurant and peered in, and there in front of me stood about 15 students from my new class. Before I could get a good look, one of them spotted me watching them like a creeper, so I ran off. I hope they didn't recognize me from Facebook.

So there you have it: life in Boston. Riveting, I know. I miss LA and everyone from home already, but I think life here should be just dandy. At least until winer hits, that is.

I'll tell Minnie you all say hi.

My new street! My apartment is on the right side behind the jeepy thing.

The park across the street that our bedroom windows look out on. Cute, huh? Come visit. Biotch.

Hurt Currency

There's a new kind of currency in this country. Yep, the Hurt Bills have arrived. After I came into acquisition of some paper currency this week (I know, I'm so wealthy) I decided to brand 10 bills with the infamous Hurt stamp. So Hurt All Stars and honorary members alike, keep your eyes open for these bad boys! They come as $20, $10, $5, and $1.

That's all for today.

Don't Judge.

You may or may not be aware that I like cats. Quite a bit, actually. (See photo evidence below.)

This mysterious and sometimes alienating characteristic of mine originated many years ago when I was still a wee one. Consequently, most of my childhood gifts had something to do with cats one way or another, and I was perfectly delighted by it.

This last weekend I was going through some of my childhood belongings, and I came across and old stamp set. "Victorian Cats: A Rubber Stamp Collection."

Nevermind why I ever asked for a Victorian Cats stamp set in the first; rather, let's focus on the cat pictured in the lower right hand corner of the box...

A ballerina cat. With broad shoulders, a narrow waist, and a generous bosom. I'm terrified. Are you terrified?

A Craigslist Adventure

Those of you who know me may or may not be aware that I have a certain fascination with Craigslist. My fascination began years ago in college when one of my roommates introduced me to the glory and embarrassment that is the Personals section (most notable, m4w). Since then, whenever I feel bored or down, I just take a gander at the m4w and have a good laugh, etc.

So last night in a bout of boredom, I wrote myself a "w4m" ad in my journal, just for kicks. After taking a mental journey 12 hours into my future, I decided to post it on CL to see who would respond to such a ludicrous ad requiring so much of the reader, and telling so very little about the poster. I also thought it went along nicely with the distant yet underlying theme of this blog, my extremely passive search for a temporary boyfriend for the summer.

So below, is the ad. And below that are samplings of some of the 30+ responses I've received in the last 9 hours.

Wanted: Temporary Boyfriend - 24 (west hollywood)

Duties: Looking hot, being awesome, acting suave, dining finely, buying drinks, making love (in da club?) lifting heavy objects, partaking in various other activities involving me.

Requirements: Must be between the ages of 24 and 28, must make some dollars of your own, must have car, must have teeth. Sense of humor is mandatory. College degree preferred.

Hours: 10am - 3am, 5 hour shifts, 2-3 times per week, not including overtime. Some weekends required. Position for only now through August 23rd, after which your services will no longer be requested, as I am moving across the country.

No references required. Head shots suggested.

Compensation: Being blessed with awesomeness for 5 hours a day, 2-3 days per week, for a month, learning sweet new moves and snazzy jokes, having me as arm candy, free dental consultation.

Serious inquiries only, please.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some of my favorite responses are as follows:

• This is why unemployment is so high!!!!
• Inquiring about you job post.
  I qualified in many ways. I have a vehicle, all my teeth, attractive, college educated, 5'11, 160lbs, white, formal personal trainer, fun, flexible hrs.! I hope I get the job in this economy, will work over time if nec.! Do you offer 401K?
• Your compensation SUCKS! You sound unoriginal and boring. YAWN!
• You got to be kidding me??? I have the feeling you really want a full time BF and yet your posting a PT positing in hopes to land a hot guy. YOUR sneaky! Just a side note, US HOT guys dates hot girls. We don't make any exception. We all have dental plans and still have access to the clubs.
  If you have something else to offer, please share it with me? Pictures, monterary compensation...i.e you women like to say for 120 roses you get to have me...:)
  thx
  
  
  Sigh.. So I supposed my hunt for Mr. Right Now continues, although I did receive this appealing picture from one gentleman... he's the one on the right ;) Cute huh??

The Alice in Wonderland Trailer

Ta-da!

The Curious Case of the Bare Assed Man

Lizzie and I are sitting in the Verizon store right now faced with this delightful view while waiting to be called in for Lizzie's phone repair. We suspect we must be on Candid Camera. In what other situation does one allow his ass to hang out in the open for 20 minutes on end? Doesn't he feel a slight draft down there? No one else here even seem to notice. In the words of a wise man, "What's going on!?"

Pay Me in Spiders.

Greetings from New York!

Inspired by my new blogitude, I wanted to share one of the enjoyable things I have recently been introduced to. It chronicles the attempts of a man to submit a drawing of a spider as a payment on one of his accounts.

Enjoy!



Thanks Lizzie!

Don't Let This Happen to YOU!

First things first. You miss me. I know. Everywhere I go, everytime I step out of the house, people stop me and ask me what happened to my blog. Well, friends, it's a funny thing. I quit my job, and suddenly I find myself with... a life, you might say. I no longer find myself spending hours perusing the internet, staring at pictures of food for hours on end, and feeling the need to pass on useless yet mildly amusing information to my thousands of followers. (Hi Mom!)

So after giving it some thought, I've decided to take this blog in a new direction. Since my hours are now being spent differently, my blogs posts will obviously need to reflect this. As you may very well be aware, while Roxy may no longer be in ennui, I'm sure the rest of the world still is.

I would like to kick off my new blogitude (Urban Dictionary that!) with what some might call an incriminating photo. The subjects of the photo shall remain unidentified, although lets just say it's my NJR with a JB. Wink.

I am posting this photo as a warning to everyone out there. Sometimes, some people make poor choices. Some people even decide to make spreadsheets documenting every poor and good choice of the year, but that is a different story. Anyway, these poor choices are sometimes public, and sometimes your friends and Jeff and Nifty will never forget the pure hilarity you have bestowed upon them at your own expense.

Enjoy.

New Trend Alert!

I'm flattered that you turn to me for the latest fashion advice and the hottest new trends.  Well, my friend, brace yourself for Bagelheads, as blogged about on The Frisky.  It's true!  You, too, could get a saline drip directed to your noggin that creates a large, moldable, dyeable swelling on your forehead.  Men, this is how you get the ladies.  Especially ladies like me that love bagels and other doughy, carbohydratey, cream cheese slathered treats.  Sadly, like real bagels, they only last for one day, but they are perfect for special events like debutante balls, weddings, and bachelor parties.  Enjoy!

The Curious Case of the Ass-less Pants Pig

We took my mother to a lovely French restaurant called Rive Gauche for her birthday this weekend. However, I was a disturbed by the greeter, a suspicious looking pig who was wearing a server's outfit and holding a chalkboard. 

When viewed from behind, we were startled by the ass-less pants the pig was sporting.  I'm awkward. 

A bit inappropriate, no?

A Preview of My Future?

This looks incredible, fantastic, educational AND fun: a board game version of my wildest dreams.  

Prepare yourself for: Crazy Cat Lady: The Board Game.  I know you all are dying to play.  Me too.

Available through Archie McPhee.

Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland

Considering my recent rediscovery of the fascination of Alice in Wonderland, I was ecstatic when I heard that Time Burton was recreating the classic as a sequel to the original Disney version, according to ComingSoon.net.  It stars Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, Helena Bonham Carter as the Queen of Hearts (below), and Anne Hathaway as the White Queen.  I'm almost as excited as I was when I went to the Cupcake Convention earlier this year.  How will I ever wait until next March!?

RIP King of Pop

We have lost a major pop icon of our generation.  Michael Jackson died this afternoon at the UCLA Medical Center from cardiac arrest, just prior to embarking on a 50 city "comeback" tour.  He was 50 years old. 

Look! I Made Friends with the Locals

Thinking of You...

Hawaii Update

Suzy and I just wanted to say hi from the gorgeous beach! We are having a great time so far.
My boyfriend hunt is not progressing as I had hoped, but not to worry because Suzy has promised to be my wing woman. But who needs a man when we have parasailing, snorkeling, and a hike through a rain forest to look forward to?!

Wish you were here!

Greetings from hawaii!!

Hello friends. I'm sure most of you have noticed a new void in your life - a lack of blog updates from yours truly. But not to worry!! I am thoroughly enjoying my unemployment in Maui. We just got into our room at the lovely Westin Resort and were promptly kissed by a heavily moustached fellow and seranaded by 4 college freshman. Jealous?

Well we are off to the beach to drink to mai tais and piña coladas. I will keep you posted on our Hawaiian adventures!

Xoxo

This is what happens when you belive in God.

Do You Belive In Jonas?

FanFic Theatre

FanFic Theater courtesy of my sister-in-law's brother, Adam.

And this. My new life's mission is to find and date this guy.

I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so...scared

I know some of you may be wondering, "Stacie, why were you watching the Jimmy Fallon show? Isn't Jimmy Fallon that idiot that would always laugh at his own jokes on weekend update?" Well my friends, sweet ass Zack Morris was on and I couldn't resist! Again some of you may say, "Why he was just a character on the 90s shows Good Morning Miss Bliss, Saved by the Bell and Saved by the Bell: The College Years...his real name is Mark-Paul Gosselaar, duh." If you really belive that, perhaps you should just watch the clip...

I will give $20, one (1) authentic Marc Jacobs coat, and my eternal gratitude...

To whomever can get me tickets and airfare to this: http://www.monolithfestival.com/


Straight cash.


Plus something similar to this, except probably even a little bit cuter. Missing one button.


This seemed like the best choice from the 'eternal gratitude' google image search.

Yes, all of the above can be yours. Concert tickets and plane tickets are all I'm looking for in exchange. You may even accompany me if you wish.

National Donut Day Itinerary

In celebration of NDD, I have requested my last day of work off. In lieu of Data Entry, Matt and I will be partaking in Donut Entry (entry into my belly, that is) by touring some of the finest donut establishments in Los Angeles. So much for losing weight prior to Hawaii! More important things have come up.

On our list of places to go in order of importance (highest to lowest): Randy's Donuts, Fritelli Doughnuts and Coffee, Stan's Donuts, and Krispy Kreme. I hope four locations is enough to satisfy our donut cravings.


View DONUT DAY in a larger map

Some Dating Advice for the Gentlemen

Thank you for taking all of our needs into consideration.

NATIONAL DONUT DAY

I am not making this up, folks. There is a day where the entire nation is intended to celebrate this doughy ring of goodness. And it actually has a legitimate history too, originating as a way to raise money for the Salvation Army in1938. It is this Friday, June 5th, and many donut shops are expected to be giving out free donuts in exchange for a donation to the Salvation Army. Holler.

Important Information for my Sister

San Francisco was voted one of the nicest public bathrooms in the US at the Union Square Macy's on the 6th floor. Just in case you are ever stuck in a bind.

A Farewell Letter

Dear My Job,

I am leaving you on Friday. After a 6 month run, I have grown bored with you. I was never interested in pursuing a long term commitment with you, after all. Your monotony and inability to stimulate me leave much to be desired, and I'm pretty sure you gave me CTS. How could somebody like me possibly stay with someone like you? You expect me to drive 33 miles every day for you, and what do you give me in return? A weak paycheck and an occasional donut in the morning. You want the same thing from me every day, and out of boredom I've been forced to sneak around behind your back, goofing off with the Internet when I'm supposed to be focusing on you.

I did learn some things while I was with you. I learned the most effective way to stave off boredom. I learned that maintaining a blog is both fun and easy. I learned the best and worst dining establishments in the LAX area. Most importantly, I learned that the majority of the people in this world suffer from laziness and incompetence, which actually made me feel pretty good about myself.

But that's just not enough for me.

So goodbye, My Job. I know this will be harder for you than it is for me, seeing as I am off to Hawaii to try my best to forget my time with you, while you are stuck in a rut here in Westchester.

I'll wish you good luck just to be polite, but don't expect me to ever come back to you.


No longer yours,

Roxy

I Sure Hope You Like Squirt.

Not a fan of Squirt? You know, that citrusy, caffeine free (booooooo) soda that was first made in 1938 by Herb Bishop? (Thanks, Wikipedia!) Well you better be, because guess what - my future husband Greg Gillis is back in town to perform a free show!

Did I say free? Sorry, I meant to say that in exchange for 36 empty cans of Squirt, you can score a ticket to see Girl Talk at the Grove of Anaheim. That, my friend, is a lot of citrusy soda to drink in 18 days. Worth it? Yes. Will I be there, rushing the stage again for a chance to proclaim my undying love of him? No. Sadly, Hawaii calls louder than the deafening bass that will be pulsating from those giant speakers. So when you go, please send my love and regards to my boo.

Mullet With Headlights?

Watch and Enjoy!




Thanks Arikia!

Check out her sweet blog here.

'Ey Mate, Wanna Roll?

The British don't get anything right, do they? They can't pronounce words properly. Despite being one of the world's oldest nations (they were an EMPIRE for goodness' sakes), they never found time to develop a palatable cuisine. And then they go and do stuff like this:


That's a wheel of cheese they're chasing, there.

Don't get me wrong. I love cheese. I mean, I would probably roll down a hill for some fine aged cheddar, too, if that's what it took. But the thing is, it's not like there's a shortage of cheese in England- quite possibly their one redeeming factor.

No, what this is is England's pathetic attempt at extreme sports. The youth of England, having grown tired of watching the X Games on whatever channel they get that's not the BBC, and seeing all the awesome sports America has, like sandboarding


and ice climbing,


and wingsuiting,


like the whiny snotfaces they are, became jealous of how badass Americans are, so they created an extreme sport of their own. Except that in typical fashion, theirs sucks.

I mean, look at this guy:


He'd never last a day in the States.

The BEST of 3 Worlds

Maybe I will enter this in the Pie Bake contest in Beverly Hills next week. Erin, thank you for introducing me to such a glorious concoction. I will be baking asap! If I like any of you reading this enough, maybe I'll let you help me eat it.

LOVE.

It doesn't come around too often, but when it does, it's glorious.




That, my friends, is a cake cookie pie.

You might think at first, that a cake cookie pie is too much. Like a burger with grilled cheese sandwiches for buns. But let's think about this. It is the exact same volume as a regular pie. Cake, cookies, and pies all have essentially the same ingredients in different proportions: lots of sugar, butter, and flour. So it's not like you're actually summing these three delicious but fattening things. You're just substituting one component (pie filling) for two separate but equal components (cookie dough, cake batter).

I would like to be the brave soul who first thought 'cake + cookie + pie' and then had the wherewithal to actually make this dream into reality.

LOVE.

It doesn't come around too often, but when it does, it's glorious.

Octopus earrings. From Anthropologie, $268.

RIP Sunglasses

My favorite sunglasses broke today, commencing a very complicated and intense mourning period. I love my sunglasses. They are like my children. And like any mother, I have my favorites. So when one of my favorite pairs reaches the end of its journey (usually falling lifeless into the abyss that is my giant bag), my emotions are very mixed. However, like any mother should do during a period of loss, I begin looking for a replacement pair that could rival the glory of the fallen ones.

I decided to start with Google, typing "vintage sungalssese" (typo and all) into the flickering little search box, nervously waiting for what would appear. I clicked through a few websites, feeling discouraged, until I encountered this website: a forum for the painfully hip hipsters to practice their modeling skillz. Oh lordy.

I think this photo had to be my favorite...

Piesta!

Yes, you heard right. There is a Piesta going down in our very own Beverly Hills. And yes, it is everything you imagined and more, or so I'm assuming. It is Sunday June 14 (umm... 3 months late? YES.) at the Beverly Hills Farmers Market. Festivities will include a pie eating contest, a pieathalon, pie making, and juggling. (wtf?) And of course, you can buy a slice for $3 or 2 for $5. LETS DO IT.

Lizzie, I think this is a valid reason for you to miss your job related activities, no?

Viceroy Summer Happy Hour?

YES PLEASE.

Where: Cameo Bar
What: Drinks based on the hour of the day (ie $2 glass of wine in the 2 o'clock hour)
When: Fridays this Summer from 2-6pm
Who: Me. There. Every Friday. Please don't leave me there all by my lonesome.

A Gentle Reminder to My Roommates...

From the Santa Monica Daily Press crime watch..

Sunday, May 17, at 5:30 p.m.,

Santa Monica police officers responded to the 2400 block of Ocean Park Boulevard regarding an assault with a deadly weapon. When officers arrived, they made contact with the alleged victim, who told officers that he came home and saw that the suspect, a roommate, had taken some food without permission. When the victim confronted the suspect about allegedly taking food, the suspect struck the victim on the side of the head with a ceramic mug. The suspect then allegedly attempted to stab the victim with a broken portion of the mug. The suspect fled, but was located a short distance away. The victim was not treated for injuries. The suspect was identified as William Czahor, 35, from Santa Monica. He was booked for assault with a deadly weapon and warrants. His bail was set at $32,874.

And Another One Bites the Dust...

Beverly Blvd is going through some culinary changes these days, what with Mimosa closing to be replaced by Bistro LQ, Hatfield's moving to the current location of Red Pearl Kitchen, and now Pastis, Whit's favorite restaurant to mispronounce, is set to close within the first 2 weeks of June, according to the LA Times. It will be replaced by a new cafe called House.

We better hit these places up before they go!

From The Crazy Walls at Riviera Mexican Wall

I found this little gem. Yes, please.

Let's Focus on 2010!

We may have lost today with the affirmation of Proposition 8 by the California Supreme Court but let's focus on 2010 to change less than three percent of the minds of the California electorate.

From the LA Times

An interesting read: Superheroes can't save California

Road Trip!

View Road Trip in a larger map


A possible route for a possible road trip to be taken this summer from LA to Boston. Major stops on this route include Phoenix, Tucson, Austin, Houston, New Orleans, Atlanta, Myrtle Beach, Raleigh, DC, Philly, and NYC.

JITLADA!

I want more.
The end.

Is That You, Cheesus?

Maybe it's because I'm not a religious person. Maybe it's because I eat so quickly I rarely take notice of what I'm putting in my mouth. Or maybe it's because I don't live in Texas anymore. (Wise move, Mom and Dad!) But I just can't understand the people who see Jesus in a bag of Cheetos like this couple from Dallas. Upon the "discovery", they decided to name the lucky Cheeto Cheesus. I don't know, you Crazy Texans. It looks more like the Hunchback of Notre Dame to me. And even if it were the real Cheesus, what do you think he's trying to say by appearing in a 99-cent bag of Cheetos? Maybe the Cheetos need salvation.

Naturally, like any Crazy Texan, the couple is planning on selling little Cheesus on eBay. What an interesting way to show your respect for JC -- trying to make a buck off of him.

The best part is that the husband was actually quoted to say: "Let's put this on eBay. How much do you think we should ask for it? It could be 25 cents, could be 25 dollars. If it's only 25 cents, we're just going to eat it."

A Near Death Experience

see more Fail Blog

The Coworker Conundrum

You work with them. You see them every day. You are forced to interact with them. Inevitably, things happen. Some coworkers develop crushes while others develop repulsion, they date or try to avoid dating, they break up or have awkward rejections, and then the next day they are forced to sit next to each other and type away at their computers like nothing ever happened. After all, HR would not approve of these unprofessional relationships.

So what are you to do when your twitching, middle-aged coworker asks you to name any day when you are free to get lunch with him? Should you say no to avoid a potentially awkward situation, or should you say yes to be "nice" and attempt to develop a friendship?

Well, if you are me, you are silly say yes, going against all better instinct.

When the dreaded day came, said coworker (let's call him Twitch) walked over to my cube and announces loudly that he is ready to take me to lunch.

It was the most painful hour of my life.

He suggested Mexican food, I said okay. Little did I know that was code for "Lets get Mexican food and take it to the beach so we can have a romantic lunch." Yes, folks, he got that food to go and we went to the beach. He produces a beach blanket from his trunk (How convenient! I didn't know I had this old thing in here!) and spreads it out on the sand. He lies down in the sand, I kid you not, like so:


as I huddled on the far corner of the blanket, wishing this terrible experience would end soon.

On the drive back, he sings along to love songs from a CD his neighbor made. "Have you heard of her before?" He asks me of his neighbor. "No, Twitch. I don't know your neighbor." In between lyrics, he tells me that I make him nervous as he twitches through a grin.

The next week, he emails me a Jeopardy question. Somehow, this message escaped the wrath of my DELETE key. It is as follows:

“Alex, I’ll take CarsDirect Jeopardy for 400”

“Answer: Yes”

“What would Mark say if he was offered a chance to have lunch with Roxy?”

“Correct.”

“Strange Shakespearian characters for 600”

“Answer:…”

I responded with an "I don't think so."

He hasn't bothered me since, and it is still unbelievably awkward between us.

So what was the point of this story, you ask?

I don't know. I'm still not sure I know how to deal with awkward coworker situations. But I have learned this much - whatever you do, the situation will never get any better.

I Need Your Help.

Please tell me any acceptable time/location that anyone could be seen in these. I've got nothing. A stripping rodeo?? Pocahontos does thigh highs? Please help.

Man Ban #6: The Caprenter Jort

If you are a dude, sporting jorts is like walking on very thin ice. It can be done, and it can be done gracefully, but you must do so with caution. In recent times, the male jort has made an impressive comeback as cut-offs in a slimmer fit, hitting just above the knee. As with most of my Man Bans, I can make some exceptions and that breed of jorts falls into that acceptably fashionable category.

So what kind of jorts are no good, you ask? I can tell you, hands down, the carpenter jort should be avoided like a dog with rabies. These are a relic from the early 1990's and somehow have not been completely eliminated from the "fashion" world. I use "fashion" loosely here. It appears the biggest offender and greatest perpetrator of the carpenter jort is Old Navy, offering the carpenter jort in both a light and a dark wash.

Guys, you don't need a hammer loop. Nor do you need a special ruler sized pocket or another special pocket for your paintbrush. You don't need hemming that gives you that oh-so-desirable pear shaped curve. There are so many other shorts to choose from. Heck, there are so many other jorts to choose from. Like I always advise in my Man Bans, keep it simple. Because really, why would you do this to yourself?

Just look at Canada. Do you really want to be Canada?