Mullet With Headlights?

Watch and Enjoy!




Thanks Arikia!

Check out her sweet blog here.

'Ey Mate, Wanna Roll?

The British don't get anything right, do they? They can't pronounce words properly. Despite being one of the world's oldest nations (they were an EMPIRE for goodness' sakes), they never found time to develop a palatable cuisine. And then they go and do stuff like this:


That's a wheel of cheese they're chasing, there.

Don't get me wrong. I love cheese. I mean, I would probably roll down a hill for some fine aged cheddar, too, if that's what it took. But the thing is, it's not like there's a shortage of cheese in England- quite possibly their one redeeming factor.

No, what this is is England's pathetic attempt at extreme sports. The youth of England, having grown tired of watching the X Games on whatever channel they get that's not the BBC, and seeing all the awesome sports America has, like sandboarding


and ice climbing,


and wingsuiting,


like the whiny snotfaces they are, became jealous of how badass Americans are, so they created an extreme sport of their own. Except that in typical fashion, theirs sucks.

I mean, look at this guy:


He'd never last a day in the States.

The BEST of 3 Worlds

Maybe I will enter this in the Pie Bake contest in Beverly Hills next week. Erin, thank you for introducing me to such a glorious concoction. I will be baking asap! If I like any of you reading this enough, maybe I'll let you help me eat it.

LOVE.

It doesn't come around too often, but when it does, it's glorious.




That, my friends, is a cake cookie pie.

You might think at first, that a cake cookie pie is too much. Like a burger with grilled cheese sandwiches for buns. But let's think about this. It is the exact same volume as a regular pie. Cake, cookies, and pies all have essentially the same ingredients in different proportions: lots of sugar, butter, and flour. So it's not like you're actually summing these three delicious but fattening things. You're just substituting one component (pie filling) for two separate but equal components (cookie dough, cake batter).

I would like to be the brave soul who first thought 'cake + cookie + pie' and then had the wherewithal to actually make this dream into reality.

LOVE.

It doesn't come around too often, but when it does, it's glorious.

Octopus earrings. From Anthropologie, $268.

RIP Sunglasses

My favorite sunglasses broke today, commencing a very complicated and intense mourning period. I love my sunglasses. They are like my children. And like any mother, I have my favorites. So when one of my favorite pairs reaches the end of its journey (usually falling lifeless into the abyss that is my giant bag), my emotions are very mixed. However, like any mother should do during a period of loss, I begin looking for a replacement pair that could rival the glory of the fallen ones.

I decided to start with Google, typing "vintage sungalssese" (typo and all) into the flickering little search box, nervously waiting for what would appear. I clicked through a few websites, feeling discouraged, until I encountered this website: a forum for the painfully hip hipsters to practice their modeling skillz. Oh lordy.

I think this photo had to be my favorite...

Piesta!

Yes, you heard right. There is a Piesta going down in our very own Beverly Hills. And yes, it is everything you imagined and more, or so I'm assuming. It is Sunday June 14 (umm... 3 months late? YES.) at the Beverly Hills Farmers Market. Festivities will include a pie eating contest, a pieathalon, pie making, and juggling. (wtf?) And of course, you can buy a slice for $3 or 2 for $5. LETS DO IT.

Lizzie, I think this is a valid reason for you to miss your job related activities, no?

Viceroy Summer Happy Hour?

YES PLEASE.

Where: Cameo Bar
What: Drinks based on the hour of the day (ie $2 glass of wine in the 2 o'clock hour)
When: Fridays this Summer from 2-6pm
Who: Me. There. Every Friday. Please don't leave me there all by my lonesome.

A Gentle Reminder to My Roommates...

From the Santa Monica Daily Press crime watch..

Sunday, May 17, at 5:30 p.m.,

Santa Monica police officers responded to the 2400 block of Ocean Park Boulevard regarding an assault with a deadly weapon. When officers arrived, they made contact with the alleged victim, who told officers that he came home and saw that the suspect, a roommate, had taken some food without permission. When the victim confronted the suspect about allegedly taking food, the suspect struck the victim on the side of the head with a ceramic mug. The suspect then allegedly attempted to stab the victim with a broken portion of the mug. The suspect fled, but was located a short distance away. The victim was not treated for injuries. The suspect was identified as William Czahor, 35, from Santa Monica. He was booked for assault with a deadly weapon and warrants. His bail was set at $32,874.

And Another One Bites the Dust...

Beverly Blvd is going through some culinary changes these days, what with Mimosa closing to be replaced by Bistro LQ, Hatfield's moving to the current location of Red Pearl Kitchen, and now Pastis, Whit's favorite restaurant to mispronounce, is set to close within the first 2 weeks of June, according to the LA Times. It will be replaced by a new cafe called House.

We better hit these places up before they go!

From The Crazy Walls at Riviera Mexican Wall

I found this little gem. Yes, please.

Let's Focus on 2010!

We may have lost today with the affirmation of Proposition 8 by the California Supreme Court but let's focus on 2010 to change less than three percent of the minds of the California electorate.

From the LA Times

An interesting read: Superheroes can't save California

Road Trip!

View Road Trip in a larger map


A possible route for a possible road trip to be taken this summer from LA to Boston. Major stops on this route include Phoenix, Tucson, Austin, Houston, New Orleans, Atlanta, Myrtle Beach, Raleigh, DC, Philly, and NYC.

JITLADA!

I want more.
The end.

Is That You, Cheesus?

Maybe it's because I'm not a religious person. Maybe it's because I eat so quickly I rarely take notice of what I'm putting in my mouth. Or maybe it's because I don't live in Texas anymore. (Wise move, Mom and Dad!) But I just can't understand the people who see Jesus in a bag of Cheetos like this couple from Dallas. Upon the "discovery", they decided to name the lucky Cheeto Cheesus. I don't know, you Crazy Texans. It looks more like the Hunchback of Notre Dame to me. And even if it were the real Cheesus, what do you think he's trying to say by appearing in a 99-cent bag of Cheetos? Maybe the Cheetos need salvation.

Naturally, like any Crazy Texan, the couple is planning on selling little Cheesus on eBay. What an interesting way to show your respect for JC -- trying to make a buck off of him.

The best part is that the husband was actually quoted to say: "Let's put this on eBay. How much do you think we should ask for it? It could be 25 cents, could be 25 dollars. If it's only 25 cents, we're just going to eat it."

A Near Death Experience

see more Fail Blog

The Coworker Conundrum

You work with them. You see them every day. You are forced to interact with them. Inevitably, things happen. Some coworkers develop crushes while others develop repulsion, they date or try to avoid dating, they break up or have awkward rejections, and then the next day they are forced to sit next to each other and type away at their computers like nothing ever happened. After all, HR would not approve of these unprofessional relationships.

So what are you to do when your twitching, middle-aged coworker asks you to name any day when you are free to get lunch with him? Should you say no to avoid a potentially awkward situation, or should you say yes to be "nice" and attempt to develop a friendship?

Well, if you are me, you are silly say yes, going against all better instinct.

When the dreaded day came, said coworker (let's call him Twitch) walked over to my cube and announces loudly that he is ready to take me to lunch.

It was the most painful hour of my life.

He suggested Mexican food, I said okay. Little did I know that was code for "Lets get Mexican food and take it to the beach so we can have a romantic lunch." Yes, folks, he got that food to go and we went to the beach. He produces a beach blanket from his trunk (How convenient! I didn't know I had this old thing in here!) and spreads it out on the sand. He lies down in the sand, I kid you not, like so:


as I huddled on the far corner of the blanket, wishing this terrible experience would end soon.

On the drive back, he sings along to love songs from a CD his neighbor made. "Have you heard of her before?" He asks me of his neighbor. "No, Twitch. I don't know your neighbor." In between lyrics, he tells me that I make him nervous as he twitches through a grin.

The next week, he emails me a Jeopardy question. Somehow, this message escaped the wrath of my DELETE key. It is as follows:

“Alex, I’ll take CarsDirect Jeopardy for 400”

“Answer: Yes”

“What would Mark say if he was offered a chance to have lunch with Roxy?”

“Correct.”

“Strange Shakespearian characters for 600”

“Answer:…”

I responded with an "I don't think so."

He hasn't bothered me since, and it is still unbelievably awkward between us.

So what was the point of this story, you ask?

I don't know. I'm still not sure I know how to deal with awkward coworker situations. But I have learned this much - whatever you do, the situation will never get any better.

I Need Your Help.

Please tell me any acceptable time/location that anyone could be seen in these. I've got nothing. A stripping rodeo?? Pocahontos does thigh highs? Please help.

Man Ban #6: The Caprenter Jort

If you are a dude, sporting jorts is like walking on very thin ice. It can be done, and it can be done gracefully, but you must do so with caution. In recent times, the male jort has made an impressive comeback as cut-offs in a slimmer fit, hitting just above the knee. As with most of my Man Bans, I can make some exceptions and that breed of jorts falls into that acceptably fashionable category.

So what kind of jorts are no good, you ask? I can tell you, hands down, the carpenter jort should be avoided like a dog with rabies. These are a relic from the early 1990's and somehow have not been completely eliminated from the "fashion" world. I use "fashion" loosely here. It appears the biggest offender and greatest perpetrator of the carpenter jort is Old Navy, offering the carpenter jort in both a light and a dark wash.

Guys, you don't need a hammer loop. Nor do you need a special ruler sized pocket or another special pocket for your paintbrush. You don't need hemming that gives you that oh-so-desirable pear shaped curve. There are so many other shorts to choose from. Heck, there are so many other jorts to choose from. Like I always advise in my Man Bans, keep it simple. Because really, why would you do this to yourself?

Just look at Canada. Do you really want to be Canada?

Why Is This Dino Celebrating?

...more to come on this later.

Alice in Wonderland, Part Deux

To add to Roxy's previous post about Alice in Wonderland, I spent my Saturday night at home with Henrietta (so glad you've come out of hiding!) and Alice and wanted to try to catch all the sketchy references in the movie. This was building on quite a discussion we had the night before.

It seems Alice doesn't mind drinking unnamed potions and also loves to eat mushrooms throughout the movie. The Mad Hatter and the March Hare are never seen without tea or coffee -- more caffeine, anyone...or is it only caffeine? --. The Dormouse is always drunk. The Caterpillar seems to be able to smoke as much as the best of us. But, the most disturbing reference of them all seems to be pedophilia, where the Walrus lures the baby oysters from their home and evenutally eats them all. Hmmmm... Anyone care to add to this? Would this fly today?

Alice In Wonderland Awesomeness

This weekend Brett and I had a hankering to watch some Alice in Wonderland, so we YouTube'd it and came across this little gem... It's a music video made from audio and visual clips from the Disney movie. It's pretty awesome. Check it!

Stop Right There, Thief!

I have been victimized twice now in a 4 month period. I, Roxy, am a refrigerator thief victim. I don't know who you are, and I am a little confused about your motives, but Mr. Food Thief you need to stop. My job is bad enough as it is: all day I stare at a piece of paper and copy numbers from that paper onto a computer program. The only thing that keeps me going through the day is the anticipation of leaving the office and indulging myself with food. While sitting at my beige desk staring at the dimly flickering computer screen, my mind always wanders to my little plastic bag of food I've stored in the company fridge, just waiting for me to claim and consume it.

The first time it happened I was shocked. I strolled to the kitchen to pick up my lunch before heading out, and I was instantly struck with confusion. This fridge seems to be empty! And my Yoplait and sliced apple were nowhere to be seen! I was sure there was a mistake. I checked every plastic bag in sight, peeking in to see if somehow my food was misplaced. It was not. Worse yet, my fancy tupperware had been in that plastic bag. Gone.

Food thief, I grumbled to myself. You have got some nerve. In the back of my mind though, I could understand. He was probably hungry and saw a delicious bag of food and stellar tupperware. Okay.

But then it happened again last Friday. And it was worse this time.

I decided to go for Thai food with some coworkers in celebration of "It's Friday and I'm Hungover." I ordered the lunch special of Pad See Ew and carefully ate only half of my dish so I could have the rest for dinner that night. Careful planning, indeed. Upon returning to work, I throw my to go box in the fridge and plow through the rest of the day. But when I go to fetch my Kari Out box on my way out the door, it has vanished. And I was pissed.

Who was this person stealing other people's food? Is this a regular thang for him? Does he just go shopping in the public refrigerator whenever he gets a little hungry?

And most importantly, do you have NO standards, Mr. Food Thief?? This food has been tainted with my germs. I practically slobbered all over it while inhaling my lunchtime portion. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I sincerely hope you catch my swine flu. That'll show you.

Big Doggie, Sad Story

Sad news today for the world's tallest dog, Gibson. He had to have his right arm amputated because he has bone cancer and will soon be undergoing chemotherapy. Poor wittle guy.

This story was particularly meaningful for this blog because he is from our very own EJ's hometown, Grass Valley.

Kiwami!!

Last night we ventured to Kiwami for some serious sushi eats. We sat at the bar and got the special treatment by Whit's family friend Adam.

Halibut

Jalapeno Yellowtail (SO good)

Delicious beer to.. er.. cleanse my palate. Yeah.

Cod. So incredibly delicious and buttery. Not to mention pretty!

Tuna 3 ways - sashimi with grilled onions, spicy tuna on crunchy rice, and a tuna wonton.

Melt in your mouth Uni.

JKim failed at eating it though.


Then she failed at pouring beer.


Then she mourned her failure. We still love you, boo.

My future husband. Oops! Did I just say that???

And finally.. spicy tuna roll with baked crab. Delicious!


It was Whitney's birthday that night too! What a surprise. Another surprise was that Whit gets the Asian glow when she drinks. High five, boo.



The End!

Cute Animals Can Fail, Too!

Poor manatee. That wall came out of nowhere!

Thanks Ananthy BooFace!

Where's the Blue Box with the Equation?

In school, all you needed to complete your math or econ homework was that little blue box with the equation in it. There was no need to snore through the boring text--just take that equation and plug some crap in.

Nearly 2.5 years have passed since I graduated from school (I call graduation "involuntary droping-out") and I have yet to find that blue box for the equation of life. Anyone have any clues?

Save Some Animals the Easy Way

All you need to do is go to the Animal Rescue Site and click on the big purple button to help out some needy animals. The sponsors donate food to a shelter for each click in exchange for advertising on the website. It takes only a second! Now go do the right thing.

Animal Rescue Site

The Montauk Monster Strikes Again!

Another Montauk Monster of sorts has washed up on the shores of New York yet again! This time, the people who found the carcass snatched it up and took it home before alerting the media. They are currently housing it in an ice cooler to preserve the remains and to prevent the body from being destroyed and turning into a "ball of goo," as was the fate of the last monster.

Apparently this is also an official Montauk Monster website where you can satisfy all your Montauk Monster curiosities. Check it.

The Cheese of My Dreams

Apparently Spain made the biggest piece of cheese in the world and invited its lucky citizens to help eat it, having divided it into 5,000 portions. In Roxy world, that would be about 250 servings. According to Typically Spanish, the giant cheese (of unspecified variety) was made out of 8,000 liters of milk and was 2 meters in diameter. I'm really wishing I remembered the metric system right about now so I can have a more complete visual of this glorious cheese in my brain. Although, my brain is probably too small to house a visual that large. I digress. Basically it's a lot of cheese and I'm jealous.

Accomplice: Hollywood Time!

Hello friends. If you're not my friend, this does not apply to you.

Matthew and I were thinking of partaking in Accomplice: Hollywood this weekend (the 17th) and we would like YOU to join us. I hope you say yes.

To add to the thrill and excitement of it all, Matt even got a 20% off coupon code (enter TEACUP when purchasing). So who's in? It's supposed to be lots of fun and we might even get to meet NPH! holler.

We're thinking of buying our tickets by Wednesday so let me know!

Introducing...

The husband of choice for Minnie's arranged marriage: Mr. Marmalade. Time and location TBD.

How I Met Your Mother

One of my favorite things about HIMYM is the development of storylines that are picked up and continued long after their origin, much like real life. For example - Slap Bet, Interventions, the Goat, and of course, Robin Sparkles.

Last night's episode, "As Fast As She Can," had a delightful little touch that I wanted to share - when Ted's phone rang while he was talking to Stella, we could hear that his ringtone was Robin Sparkle's hit, "Let's Go to the Mall." LOVE IT.

For anyone fighting boredom right now, here are some awesome HIMYM links to entertain yourself slash make you wish you were friends with Barney and Marshall.

www.tedmosbyisajerk.com (if you listen to the whole song posted on the website, the last few seconds of the track says "Wendy the waitress is the mother" backwards. Fun fact!)

http://www.canadiansexacts.org/ work appropriate, no worries boos!

http://www.barneysvideoresume.com/

http://www.guyforceshiswifetodressinagarbagebagforthenextthreeyears.com/

Enjoy!

Mothers and Daughters

In honor of Mother's day, here are examples of how different cultures celebrated motherhood last week:

Jewish Mother to Jewish Daughter: Don't you think it's weird that Josie Jew and Janie Jew are dating non-Jews? Do Jews not date Jews anymore? Do you and Jenny Jew want to go to this Jewish fundraiser?

Irish Mother to Irish Daughter: Honey, are you happy? Tell me about the young men in your life. What? No boys?! You've had boyfriends through high school and college .....Is there something you want to tell me?

Korean Mother to Korean Daughter: Esther, Daniel, Grace, and Joyce got married. The best thing to do is to get married early! As early as possible! Their parents were so happy at their wedding. Also, Christine, Hannah, David, and Paul are engaged....Oh, and for a girl who eats so little, how come you never lose any weight?

Happy Mother's Day!

Playing Hookey Today

And it's glorious!!

How to catch a Cougar

Well, I wouldn't know how. But a bunch of guys in their 20's think they have what it takes to snag this (older) woman on TV Land's The Cougar. Yes, people, they have gone that far. So I was watching it last night after hanging out with Eyera for a little while (love you boo ;-) ) and was blown away by its quality. Or lack thereof, I should say. Now don't get me wrong - most of my waking hours are spent either watching reality TV or thinking about reality TV (Simon Van Kampen's black shiny jacket/red shiny pants combo on the RHONY finale anyone?)

But I feel like this dating show formula is trite. We get it - you need some kind of catch phrase, some indicator of whether or not you choose certain individuals, yadda yadda yadda. We've reached a point with this formula, however, where you can tell when people start running out of creativity. Let me share with you some gems from the whole 10 minutes I caught of the show.

Instead of a rose, or a large stopwatch, or a medallion to indicate that a contestant gets to remain on the show, The Cougar calls each stud up to her and demands him to kiss her. If he gets to stay, he lands a kiss on the lips. If he's out, he is rerouted to her cheek. Ouch.

As one of the challenges, the dudes were instructed to write a love song for The Cougar in under 30 minutes and then perform it for her in front of all the others. That was so painful to watch, I had to switch over to America's original reality TV show, America's Funniest Home Videos.

Finally, the winner of something or another was safe for some undetermined amount of time and (notice this is where my attention starts failing, until... wait for it...) they get to go into the Cougar Cave with her for the night and have some precious pillow talk! Cougar Cave! AKA.. her bedroom.

So if any of you have seen more than 10 minutes of the show, please feel free to fill me in on any other gems I may have left out.

In the meantime, I e-wag my finger at TV Land.

Something to stock up on for the Apocalypse

I've heard of canned chicken and it sounded gross. Then I heard about canned whole chicken, and I tried to not create a visual of that in my mind.

But today, my efforts proved to be in vain. All that hard work trying to not visualize something went out the window when I foolishly clicked on conspicuously vague link, much like this one.

I guess in the event of the Apocalypse, however, I could be persuaded into eating one. Can't be worse than... well I can't think of anything worse, actually.

Putting Race Issues Behind Us

If there is one thing I have learned about this world, it is that most people are nuts. They have their hearts in the right places, but they're nuts.

I came across this little gem of a commercial from some folks over in North Carolina. They are breaking racial barriers here people... while selling mattresses.

My Only Source of Joy

Betrayal. It broke my heart today and I searched for a reason to go on with my life. If it weren't for the Joy of Jen's Desiring, I would just drink my Diet Coke big boy and affirm Worf in the old Klingon adage, "Today is a good day to die."

(Note: the orange splotch on the northwest corner is supposed to be a wormhole.)

Hope You All Had A Fun Cinco De Mayo.

We sure did!

Meet Pete.

He actually prefers to go by T-Bone.

Anyway, Petey here will be watching over our apartment from now on. Take that Mr. Peeper.

New DiCo Big Boy!

Erin, rejoice.

This weekend we discovered the 16 oz. Diet Coke big boy. Now there is more carbonated glory for us to enjoy than ever before! Just look at JKim. She can hardly contatin her excitement.

Free Food! Again!

If I can say anything positive about the economy right now, it would have to be that there is a plethora of free food offers coming from... everywhere! Yes, folks, even Oprah is hooking it up - she is giving out coupons for KFC for two pieces of their new grilled chicken, two individual sides, and a biscuit, all for free. Print out your coupon by midnight today and you have until the 15th to use it (With the exception of Mother's Day. WTF, KFC don't flatter yourself. I'm not taking Mom to KFC for her big day.)

Homemade Mac and Cheese!!

I've been looking for a good recipe for mac and cheese for a while. I had been warned against recipes that is just pasta withy a cheese sauce or pasta with melted cheese on it. Instead, I wanted my macaroni encased in ooey gooey goodness, creamy cheese melting from every crevice. Is that so much to ask?

So after considerable research (okay, it was actually pretty easy) I found John Thorne's recipe, which turns out to be a classic. Although it was a bit labor intensive (requiring you to stick your face in the hot oven every 5 minutes to stir the brewing concoction) it was well worth it in the end.

Highly recommended!