I have been victimized twice now in a 4 month period. I, Roxy, am a refrigerator thief victim. I don't know who you are, and I am a little confused about your motives, but Mr. Food Thief you need to stop. My job is bad enough as it is: all day I stare at a piece of paper and copy numbers from that paper onto a computer program. The only thing that keeps me going through the day is the anticipation of leaving the office and indulging myself with food. While sitting at my beige desk staring at the dimly flickering computer screen, my mind always wanders to my little plastic bag of food I've stored in the company fridge, just waiting for me to claim and consume it.
The first time it happened I was shocked. I strolled to the kitchen to pick up my lunch before heading out, and I was instantly struck with confusion. This fridge seems to be empty! And my Yoplait and sliced apple were nowhere to be seen! I was sure there was a mistake. I checked every plastic bag in sight, peeking in to see if somehow my food was misplaced. It was not. Worse yet, my fancy tupperware had been in that plastic bag. Gone.
Food thief, I grumbled to myself. You have got some nerve. In the back of my mind though, I could understand. He was probably hungry and saw a delicious bag of food and stellar tupperware. Okay.
But then it happened again last Friday. And it was worse this time.
I decided to go for Thai food with some coworkers in celebration of "It's Friday and I'm Hungover." I ordered the lunch special of Pad See Ew and carefully ate only half of my dish so I could have the rest for dinner that night. Careful planning, indeed. Upon returning to work, I throw my to go box in the fridge and plow through the rest of the day. But when I go to fetch my Kari Out box on my way out the door, it has vanished. And I was pissed.
Who was this person stealing other people's food? Is this a regular thang for him? Does he just go shopping in the public refrigerator whenever he gets a little hungry?
And most importantly, do you have NO standards, Mr. Food Thief?? This food has been tainted with my germs. I practically slobbered all over it while inhaling my lunchtime portion. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I sincerely hope you catch my swine flu. That'll show you.
Hurt! One time I put my sandwich, cut in half, stored in a tupperware container, into the refrigerator on our 39th floor. When I returned to it later that day, I discovered that someone had the audacity to open my tupperware, take out one half of the sandwich, and leave the other lonely half behind! At least I wasn't as misfortunate as my coworker, who like you had his entire tupperware container stolen.
ReplyDeleteWhat. The. Fuck. Not only do we work at a hedgefund, where everyone can in fact afford to buy their own lunch, but we in fact make the least of ALL OF THE OTHER EMPLOYEES.